R00SBV6LT 



Hollinger 

pH8.5 

Mill Run F3-1 955 



Throupfh the 
Outlooking Glass 

WITH 

THEODORE 
ROOSEVELT 



SIXTH EDITION 



pricp: ten cents 



TIIHOrCII THE 
UUTLOOKINC CiLASS 



Beiiur the curiout adventures of 
Theodore the U*^! Knight in hU 
quest of the Tliird f*up. of hit 
faithful cftrnpanion Alli-e. of the 
Old liidy who lived in a ahne 
behind a high tariff icall. and 
divert quaint and livrlv prrtont, 
all comprising a vrrit'jhle Tlio- 
odjmcy of incidents, set do\m 
in simple third trrms 



■Y 

NlMI.ON STKINSKY 



UKrRISTKI) KIH»M 



I M \ . •!• L 



L . 
.57 



Source Trn^c-cc^ 



riiioiiuli tlic ( )iit l( K >kiiiL: (ilass 

CHAPTKIt I 

Alice was lialf-way througii Ikt cereal when the 
Red Knight came in and picked out a place at the 
same tahle facing h« r. He tiling his coat ovt-r two 
hooks on tlu* wall upside down, ile then took a 
pirce of chalk from hin pocket and drew a ring on 
the floor and thr«'W his hat into it. 

"(icMxl njorning, sir. " said Alice, who never for- 
g«)t her manners und«-r any circinnstancrs. 

"GihkI evening," said the Krd Knight, as he 
opened his newspaper and hegan r<ading the last 
paragraph in the last column on the last page. 

"Hut it isn't evrning, " said Alice. "Why, I am 
just having my breakfast before g»ii"g to schi>ol." 

"If you were a friend of mine, you'd know what 
I mean." said the Red Knight, and turned to the 
Mad Waitrr, who was holding out thr bill of fare 
for him to read. The Mad Uaitrr was a pro- 
gressive waiter. He was so progressive that he 
would alwavs be serving people with their supper 
before they had finished ordering lunch. 

"I'll begin with a third cup of cofTee." said thr 
R<d Knight. "Then you can bring mc n second 
cup if it's not too cold. I am sure I don't want 
the first cup at all tmlay." 

"Thank you. sir." said the Mad Waiter. "The 
ham and eggs is very fine today." 



Through the Outlooking Glass 



"That just suits me," said the Red Knight. 

"Too bad/' said the Mad Waiter. "Perhaps 
you'll have a chop^, with pickles and a boiled po- 
tato." 

"Bully !" said the Red Knight. 

"Why, then, there's the cold salmon as many 
people likes to have a taste of in the morning," 
said the waiter. 

"Under no circumstances will I eat cold sal- 
mon," said tlie Red Knight, bringing his fist down 
on the table with such force that Alice let her 
spoon fall to the floor. The Mad Waiter dis- 
appeared, and almost immediately returned with a 
plate of cold salmon, of which the Red Knight 
partook heartily, washing it down with two steam- 
ing cups of coffee. As Alice was gathering up 
her books before setting out for school, the Red 
Knicrlit turned to the waiter and said, "Xow bring 
me the first cup." 

"But you said you were sure you didn't want a 
first cup," cried Alice, with some show of spirit. 

"Tliat doesn't m(\'in I can't liave a first cup 
without sugar in it, does it?" said th«^ Red Knight, 
as he picked up the sugar-bowl and threw it at 
the ^^ad Waiter. 

CHAPTER IT 

Soon they came to the top of the hill and Alice 
saw a large, heavy man witli a genial smile stand- 
ing on tlio lawn of the White House. 

"That." said the R.d Knight with a frown, "is 
a drrr]itive candidate for the Presidency." 



ThroiKjIi tli<- Outlooking Glass 5 

"Why do you call liiin dcoci)tivc?" said Alice. 
"Bccaiisi- he always says what he means, " re- 
plied the Ued Knight. 

"Jiut that isn't deceiving at all," said Alice. 

"Yes, it is," said tile Krd Knight angrily. "A 
man like that dcecivis people s hopes for novelty 
and cxcitciiunt. Now / am a receptive candidate." 

I lion t know what that means, either," said 
Alice. 

"It means, saiii tht K« d Knight, a candidate 
who receives his views and his principles as he 
moves along. I am also a perceptive candidate 
because I am as quick as lightning at perceiving 
which way the wind blows. Furthermore, I am 
an inceptive candidate and a susceptive candidate, 
and an acceptive candidate. That big man you 
see over there is my friend. IJut he has queer no- 
tions about some things. Tor instance, he says 
he'd rather be white than be President." 

"Aren't you going to say 'Good morning' to him, 
if he is vour friend.^" said Alice. 

"Oh. no." said the Red Knight. "I never do 
things lik<' other j)eople. I treat my friends and 
my enemies alike. I give them all a square deal." 
. "It seems to me, then." said Alice, "tha't what 
you want to do is to walk over and shake hands 
and say 'I hope you are feeling quite well, and 
here is a square deal for you.' " 

"That would never do," said the Red Knight. 
"When I give a friend a square deal I give it to 
him between his should«T blades, especially if he 
has broad shoulders like this man in front of us." 



(i 'I'liruiKjh the (Jnilooicinij Glass 

■ I don't see tli.it tin size of tlic man's shoulders 
has anything to do with it, " said Alice. 

"That is because you liave forgotten your geom- 
etry," said the Red Kni^dit. "If you hadn't you'd 
know that a square deil <>n the hyj)othenuse is 
ecjual to the sum of the square deals on the other 
two sides. " 

CHAl'li.R III 

'J'hc Red Knight had Ixen rowing for a long 
time and Alice noticed that they were still in the 
same place. That was on account of the peculiar 
wav in which the Red Knight handled the oars. 
1I( pulled at the right oar as hard as he could and 
I)uslied with the left oar as hard as he could and 
the boat went round and round in a circle. 

"We aren't getting any nearer the sliore, arc 
wc' " he asked anxiously. 

"Not a bit." said Alice. 

"Th.it's fin<-." said the Red Knight. "Now you 
can see that I am neither a wild t vi d radical n(»r a 
moss grown react i»)nary.' 

But Alice's conscience Wgan to trouble her. 

"You know," she said, "I promised Mamma that 
I would go out i!J a boat under no circumstances." 

'"I'hat's all ritjht. then." said the Red Knight. 
"It's just what you are (h)ing." 

"Rut I am not," .said .Mice. 

"You arc very stupid." said the Red Knight. 
"Suppose vou said. 'I will go out in the rain un- 
(hr uo um))rella.' \\'ouldn't that mean that you 
intended to ^o out without an mnbrella?" 



'I'lirmtiili till- ( ititl ntikinn (ifiiMM f 

"It might iiicaii tlmt," .nnid Alice. 

"And suppose you s.iid. 'I will go to hrci uiulrr 
no blankrt,' it w«>u!(l nuaii that you preferred to 
sleep without ft blanket, wouldn't it?" 

"I supjwsc no," said Alice. 

"Now, were there nny circumstnnce« why you 
should have pime out with nie in this boat?" asked 
the Ucd Knight. 

"No," said Alice. 

"Well, then, isn't it as plain as anything that 
you are going out in this Iwat under no circum- 
stances?" 

But Alice only Inrgan to whimper. 

"I promised Mamma," she said, "that I should 
be home at five o'clwk." 

"Selfish!" .said the Red Knight. 

"I am not selfish." cried Alice. "I promised 
Mamma I'd come and I want to keep my promise." 

"That's what I call selfish,' said the Red 
Knight; "giving somelMnly your jiromise and want- 
ing to keep it, too. I'd never Ik* guiltv of such 
conduct. It's like giving someUxly your pieee of 
plum pudding and wanting to keep it at the same 
time." 

"Hut a promise isn't plum pudding," said Alice. 

"Of course it Un't." said the Red Knight. 
"Plum pudding is much harder to swallow." 

"Oh. you know well enough what I mean. " said 
Alice, quite out of patience. "It isn't the promitr 
I Want to keep: it's ivhat I promised aliout." 

"Oh. in that case, we quite «|free/* Mid the Red 



8 Throuyh the Uutlookiny Glass 

Knight. If vou give |)coj)le a promise aiid keep 
soiiu-tiiing tlsf, it's all right. " And he began to 
row h.irdt-r than rver. 

( H Al'l l.li i\ 

"Sometimes," said the Ketl Knight, "a situation 
arises where mere words will not do at all. Look 
at this paper, for instanee." 

"Its a telegram, isnt it.'* said Aliee, 

"A special night-letter." said the Red Knight. 
"It's from tin I'rime Minister of Kansas. It says: 
'W'hiii you take a third eiip at breakfast, do you 
drink eotlce like the j)lain people, or eoeoa like 
the enemies of progress?' Now, words alone could 
not express my views on the subject. The only 
way I can answer this highly imp»)rtant (juestion 
is like this." 

.Vnd thru, to Alice's astonishment, the Red 
Knight d» seeiided from his horse and stood straight 
in the air «»n his hands, as Alice had fre(|uently 
seen her littb- br«>ther (h» in the back-yard at home. 

"On tile one hand." said the Red Knight, lift- 
ing his right arm from the ground and ti))ping 
dangerously to the left. "I beli<ve that tin- right of 
tlu' common peopb- to drink cofTcc in the morning 
is inalienabh", and if the Constitution is in the 
wa\- it should be rj-e.alb-d. On the other hand." 
suiting his action to the word and tipping danger- 
ously to the right, "if some people are put upon a 
cocoa diet by dm-tor's orders. th«-v shi>uld be at 
lib<rty to drink cocoa e\en if they are rich. I 
tliink. " concluded the R<tl Knight as he gi)t to his 



Throuffh thr (Jutlooktny iilasa 



fcrt c|uitc hrrnthlr*(<i niitl very rnl in the face, 
"thnt the I'riinr Mini«it('r of KniiAiui will hence- 
forth know how I •ttnnd u)N>ti the xuhject." 

"' > » • ' .,v you Wert* HO rh'vrr nt f^ymnoj- 
tic» V with nincrrr ndiiuration. 

"Oh. I nni." %a\A thr Krd Knight, with nn nir of 
jtiHtitird priilr. "I nni the only man in the coun- 
try who r.nn * ' *-.vrrn two ntiKtU without touch- 
ing rith«r i»r 'n thr jfround." 

"I (Ion ■ ivImkIv cnn do that," naid 

Alice. 

"I do it hy .Hitting •>>! iii> murii, ^.-inl I In- lird 
Knight. 

CHAPTKU V 

Alice wa«i l>rginninf( to feel rather tiretl, when 
they turned another cornrr and naw the old woman 
who livrd in a nhor. Tlir Inndlord di«l' ' ' ' to 
have h.ihirH in thr Ihiuhc. and thr cost «»f _ wtks 

drradfully high, and ho nhe didn't know what else 
to do. Thr Ilrd Knight ^ very one of the 

children- there wrrr just lii. . -• '.rix «'^ ♦'• -"? 

told them that under certain cireui: 
might all l>e I'rriident ^ome day. 

Alice had l»ern 1«'' ' ' . and the 

sight of til. llttli- III \Ts fi» hrf 

rye*. 

"Thr darlings' nhe naid. "I ^hotild ju^t love to 
Kithe thrni all and put thrni to Itrd. I wonder 
how you can keep count i»f thnn. ma'am." 

"\i'% very wimple, " waid the woman. "I make 
them punch a clock, in the • . : .- . 



10 Thruuifh the Outluokiny Glass 

it's tin- Itrtakfast tliat worries me," she went on, 
turning to tlu- lird Kniglit. "U'itli lifty-seven 
nioutlis to feed, and each one demanding a bowl of 
cereal and an egg, and priees what they are." 

"liut on the other liand," said the Red Knight, 
"see what you have done for your country and your 
race." 

"I know," said the old woman. "I heard ])eople 
say that if the tariff were reduced, then groceries 
might came cheaper somehow; I am not clever at 
such things, but you know what I mean." 

The Red Knight smih-d jovially. 

"I quite understand, Madam," he said. "What 
you mean is that the Presidential primary ought 
to lie established in every State." 

"Perhaps I did mean that," said the old woman, 
a little dazed. "They were also saying that if 
American sewing-machines were sold in this coun- 
try at only twenty-five per cent, more than they 
are sold abroad, it would be a g(M)d thing for us 
housewives. Perhaps I'm not {|uite clear." 

"I grasp your meaning j)erfectly," said the Red 
Knight. "You meant to imply that the greatest 
ne«-d of the moment is the recall of judicial 
(h'cisions. 

"Well, I suppose it's so," said the old woman. 
"Hut I did think that if we had reciprocity with 
Canada, every one of the childr<*n might have an 
cp:^ for breakfast. I wonder if it is renllv ]>ossi- 
ble." 

"It is. Madam." said the Hnl Kniirht; as soon 
T»; wi I s» iblisli thr initiiti\e and rifer«'ndujn." 



Throuyh the Outlookinij Uiati 11 

"Docs llmt mraii two separate things, or one?'' 
asked Alice, who had been reading the "Uubaiyat" 
to the thirtcrn youngrst childnn. 

"Two. of course," said the Ued Knight. "I sup- 
ply the initiative, and Perkins furnislus the rcfrr- 
cndutu." 

He took off his hehnet and from it drew forth 
two large paper boxes, at the sight of the contents 
of which all the fifty-seven cliildren broke into 
A cheer. They were still cheering for the Red 
Knight as Alice and her companion disappeared 
around the corner. 

"Was it breakfast food you had in the boxes?" 
asked Alice. 

".My dear .Mice," said the Red Knight, "when 
vou grow up and go into society, you will learn 
that |H)pular rnthuHiasm d<Ks not thrive on break- 
fi.st food. You know what children like. In one 
of the boxes there was fudge, and in the other l>ox 
there was taffy " 

CHAPTKH VI 

"Whichever way you look at it," said the Red 
Knight, "there is only one jKJSsible conclusion I 
am the logical candidate at Chicago." 

"What I* a logical candidate?" said Alice. 

"A logical candidate," said the Red Knight, "U 
one who, when the necessity arises, can prove 
that 'I won't' means 'I will.'" 

"That should be a %ery difficult thing to U'», " 
said Mi"-'- 



12 Through the Outlooking Glass 



"I find it the easiest thing in the world," said 
the Red Knight. "Let us look at it in this way: 
No one will deny that the President of the United 
States should be a man about fifty-four years old, 
about five feet ten inches tall, powerfully built, 
wear glasses, and live on the north shore of Long 
Island. That, I believe, is axiomatic." 

"That's another word I don't know the mean- 
ing of," said Alice. 

"An axiom, my dear girl, is something which is 
so obviously true that the man who denies it must 
be a crook or an infamous liar. Very well, then. 
In the second place, a candidate for the Presidency 
should be a man of wide experience. He must have 
lived in the \\'hite House at least seven years, and 
before that he must have been a member of the 
Legislature, a Police Commissioner, a cavalry 
colonel, and the author of a short but masterly 
treatise on the Irish sagas." 

"Is that axiomatic, also?" said Alice. 

"Natura'Uy," said tiie Red Knight. 

"Then it means you once more?" 

"Exactly," said the Red Knight. "And in the 
last place he should be a descendant of the old 
DuU-h patroons, a native of New York, and his 
name should begin with an R and end with a T, 
and have at h'ast two O's and a \' betwe(Mi. Now 
what does all that ]irove?" 

"Axiomatically, you mean?" said .Mice. 

"Of course," said the Red Knight. 

"It means you again." said .\liee. 

"You are a very bright child to ^'■<' tli.^ point so 



Through the Outloohing Glass IS 

(juuKiN, s.iiil tlu- it((i Knight. "Thus 1 am tlic 
logical tamiidatf of thr inoiiutnt. Hut please ob- 
serve that 1 am much more than that. I am also 
the physiological c uididatc, because I can speak 
faster and louder than any man in the country, and 
can slug a man harder through the ropes. Then, 
I am the zoological candidate, because of my rec- 
ord in Africa. .And I am the entomological can- 
didate, because I am the broadest-minded man in 
the world, and my views are absolutely insectari- 
an." 

T don t think that is a very gotxi pun, do you.^" 
said Alice. 

"I think it's one of the best puns I ever heard," 
said the Red Knight, hastily, and went on. "The 
successful candidate must l>o one who knows how 
to make hay when the sun shines and how to get in 
out of the rain; therefore, I am the meteorological 
candidate. He should l)e the man broujjht for- 
ward by a vast national upheaval ; that makes me 
the geological candidate. And, alwvc all, he must 
not be too thin-skinned when accused of bad faith 
and persotml inotivrs; whieh makes me the dermn- 
toloijical can<li<iate. .<o what dors all this show ? 

"It shows." said Alicr. "that you are the logical 
candidate." 

"It dors." snid the li» <i KiUiclit. and. h 
vested himsrlf of his armor, he thrust h 
into his pockets and whistled cheerfully. 



14 Through the Outlouking Glass 

C ilAl'TKK \ II 

"Having: rallied my troops," said the Red Knight, 
"I will now niart'h to srttlc the Trust problem at 
the head of my convincihlc army." 

"You mean invincible, don't your" said Alice. 

*'I mean ro/jvineible," replied the Ked Knight. 
"Because we always march to battle convinced 
that we shall be robbed of tlie fruits of victory." 

"Then why fight at all.>" said Alice. 

The Ked Kni^rht looked at her in a><tonishinent. 
"If we don't fight. li"W c:\u we cry fraud after- 
wards ?" 

"Hut you don't absolutely have to cry fraud, do 
you.^" said Alice, timidly. 

For the first time since their acquaintance the 
Uvd Knight grew sarcastic. "If you can tell me 
any other way we can keep our spirits up, I'd be 
much obliged," lie said. 

"Vour arinv doesn't seem to be a very large 
one," said Alice. 

"Yes, it is," said the Red Knight. "I have 
countless millions on my side. Rut they are of a 
rather retiring disposition. You'd never suspect 
they were there if I didn't t« 11 you. These men 
you see are only my Field-Marslials. I don't sup- 
pose von have ever met them bef«)re. have you.'" 

"I never have," said Alice. "I am only eight, 
you know, and Mamma says I must be seventeen 
before I go out in mixed company." 

"Thrn T must introduce you." said the Red 
Knight. "The small man in armor is Cm or'jr tl« 



ThrouQh the Outtooktng Olast 15 

Harvr.lrr. U- « ..i !....» thnt Urnasc he ih.nk* 
he cnn *ow ,uo„ry nn.i rmp clrlrp.nle.. "^ J*"^ 
loTCi. thr |>c«plr. And hr xn »o nKxIr.l ihnt he 
,K.>plc dont rvrn ' U A ^ "^n /he 

lUrvrstrr, nnd im Ir ^ "»^"» ^'''* 

"I dont think I like him,** wiid Alic 
•I didnl uiilil he came out for roe," s^ui iUr 
Red Kniphl. -Thnl showed how mi -^•" I w.v.. 
The Inll. thin man. next to him rH inr 

Forester, iw> called hecaune he w frequentlr up a 
tree- He is a nice fellow, hut not pra« tical 
J ' - •» ther he l>clong« >* 

,. The* one in sheepikin 
U brmsbv the Harr,^ter. He gi»t \un title from 
his willinlrness to round up Southern delepites lor 
nnr candidate, har none. He is the most un- 

• r ,1 .««n I know The Uil nmn on the 
prejuduMcl man i Know. » ••» . ^ ^ 

left, in a uniform of colored froi • 

the PnMiOjer. He in always i:. -. . 

cause hi", circulation is m> good. Have too ever 

te«n a more impressive lot of men. 

Alice eouldn't honently %ay that s' ' 
Re<! K night gave the nigiial and 
armv .tnrt.d out. Soon they came to two finger- 
,>n*t, |»ointing In the same direction. ' ^■ 

- , the Iloune of the (mkmI . - '' 

r ,H»st ^iid: -To the House of tht 



Alice thought that was ' ' ^i"*/*?^ 

, , , 1 .. -,♦ „ntil t! ' f'*"' *" 

thev did the mad on thr left 
had no guide ,>o,ts at all. and the two fingers con 
tinned to point down the other mad. 



l6 Through the Outloohing Glass 



"Do Goud Trii.'st and Bad Trust botli live in the 
same house?" asked Alice. 

"I shouldn't be surprised," said the Red Knight, 
and tlu V niarched on till they came to New Jer- 
sey; and there, sure enough — but what Alice saw 
there will be told by the Red Knight in the pre- 
ceding chapter. 

CHAPTER VIII 

Yes, sure enough, just as Alice and the Red 
Knight turned the corner they spied the Good 
Trust and the Bad Trust standing quite still, with 
their hands in each other's pockets. Alice thought 
it very odd, because the day was quite warm. 

"They do that to keep in practice," said the Red 
Knight, 

To Alice they looked like twins. They were 
dressed in suits of Pittsburgh steel, with woollen 
caps in the form of Schedule K. and boots made 
by the Shoe-Maciiine Trust. 

*T am sure I could never t< 11 them apart," said 
Alice. "How do you manage to do it.' 

"There arc several ways," said the Red Knight. 
"One way is to turn around and let one of them 
steal your |)urse. If he spends the money on 
yachts and Old Masters, it's the Bad Trust. But, 
if he spends the money on Presidential canqiaign 
contributions, it's the Good Trust." 

"Hut what Ijappens to inv j)ocketbook .'" asked 
Alier. 

"I think you are very sordid. ' said the Red 
Kniijht. "Howrvj-r. vou miirht [rv to shake hands 



Throuyh Uic U uilooking Ulass 17 

with tluMi). If lu takes your hand nnd says, 'How 
do you dor' it's tlir (mhm' Trust; hut, if he takes 
your liaiid and tlun hitis ■♦ ' mu'11 know it's the 
Bad Trust." 

'I don't think I Hkc tliat way cither," said 
Alicr. "All I can sec is tliat they look just alike, 
and hchave in exactly the same way." 

"That simply shows you lack incrimination and 
discrimination," said the Red Knight. "Incrimina- 
tion to recognize the Had Trust, and discrimina- 
tion to recognize the G«H)d Trust." 

"\\ ell, I wish you'd tell me Imw you manage to 
tell one from tlie other," said Alicr. 

"L'sually I do it l)y instinct, ' said the Red 
Knight: "hut when it's too dark to see well, I treat 
them with kindness." 

"Hut what good docs that do?" asked Alice. 

"I thought you knew that everybody responds to 
kindness," said the Red Knight. "()nly they re- 
spond in difTcnnt ways. I get my best results by 
tickling them." 

lie walked up to the two Trusts, and poked his 
finger into the ribs of the one on the left, saying 
at the same time: "What do you think of the Sher- 
man law?" 

"Tee hee, tee her," th«- Trust gigghtl. 

"That." .said the Red Knight, "is the Had Trust. 
Did you ever see such criminal indifference? Now, 
watch me." And he pr«H'«rfIed to push his finger 
into the side of the other Trust, repeating: "What 
do you think of the Sherman law?" 



18 Thruucjh the OuiLuoking Glass 

"T. R.! T. R.:" shouted the Trust. 

"That is the Good Trust/' said the Red Knight. 
"Of course, it isn't a method tliat everybody would 
care to pursue. And that is ^vhy I am the only 
man in the country who can really tell the dif- 
ference between the two." 

CHAPTER IX 

It was the Comic Editor who suggested that they 
go uptown by the subway. It was the rush hour, 
so there was i)lenty of room for everybody. The 
Red Knight lay back in his seat and looked thought- 
fully at Alice. 

"Now that I have got Oklahoma and there is 
no doubt as to liow the rest of the country is going, 
I feel the need of a little recreation — " he said. 

"\\'reckreation, you know," said the Comic Edi- 
tor and nudged Alice in the side as lie spelled out 
the joke for her. 

"Do you like puzzle pictures?" said the Red 
Knight. 

"I just love them," said Alice. 

The Red Knight took out a large document 
printed on heavy jiarchment. At the top was an 
eagle with outstretched wings, and Alice could read 
the first line. "We. the people of the United 
States, in order — " Borrowing Alice's scissors, he 
snipped the paper u]) in little bands and squares. 
These he first threw up in the air. TIkmi he ran 
them through his finge^rs. TIkmi lie crumpled them 
up. thriw them on the fioor and jumped upon them. 



Throu(jh the Outlooking Glass 19 



"Change and exercise are good for the Constitu- 
tion, you know," said tlic Comic Editor. 

Alice ItKikcd calmly at thr Comic I'.ditor and set 
to work arranging the fragments. IJut the task 
was quite beyond licr. "I'm afraid you'll liave to 
do it yourself," she said. 

"Its very simple," said the KkI Knight. He 
took the pieces and d«'ftly put them togrther, put- 
ting Article XII first and Article \'II next, and so 
on. "Now, here's a sample of the way it should 
look." he said, and Alice noticed that the typogra- 
phy htd changed V( rv oddlv. She renrl as follows: 

Wo, the pcnpir of the I'nltml Statj^j. In onlrr to 
form a morr iKTfot't union. c<itahll<th juntlc^. 
InHiiro (lonu-^t ir trnnquilllty. provide for the 
<-<>tnmon ilffcn****. promote the ir«*ncrnl welfare. 
an<l Hocurc the hleMlnrx of lIlM-rty to oursielTc* 
and our poHterit). dn nnhiln and e^ktahllAh 
tlilH CoiiHtlttitlon for the l'nltr«l .State* of 
.America. 

**It seems to be nothing but capital I's," said 
Alice. "The rest you can hardly read. 

"That is the letter of the Constitution." said the 
Red Knight. "I have always been faithful to it, 
and always will be." 

"But you ran't make a Constitution out of a 
single letter," insisted Alice. 

"Yes. you can." said the Red Knight, "provided 
the letter is bit: « notiirh." 



20 Through the Outlooking Glass 



But Alice was firm. "I don't see how language 
can be made up of one letter. You need twenty-six 
at least." 

"I don't think so/' said the Red Knight, "and, 
besides, where am I to get the other letters from?" 

"You might advertise," said the Comic Editor. 
"Help Wanted, Mail, you know." 

All at once the Red Knight sat straight up, and 
his face grew bright. "Why, of course, we need 
more letters. There is e for 'me' and o for 'our' 
and u for 'us' and a for 'am' and y for 'my.' My 
dear Alice, that really was a bright idea of yours." 

"Whatever is bright is Constitutional, you know," 
said the Comic Editor. 

The Red Knight picked up the pieces of parch- 
ment. "With a little practice," he said, "you will 
be very good at taking a constitution apart and 
putting it together again. It helps to pass the 
time, and when you are tired of the game you 
can throw the mess out of the window." 

"Interrupt it and constrew it, you know," said 
the Comic Editor. 

"Oh, don't be a fool," said Alice, quite losing 
her temper. She looked so angry that the Comic 
Editor burst out crying. He was still sobbing 
when they came to tlie door of the Outlooking Glass 
office. 

CHAPTER X 

"If -you promise to keep quite still," said the 
Poet Laureate, "I will read you my latest poem." 



Through the Outlooking Glass 21 



"I should be delighted," said Alice, whose man- 
ners never failed her. 

The Poet Laureate cleared liis throat and read: 

The sun was shining in the sky, 
The time was 2 A. M. 
(Xo stand-pat luminary, he 
Progrcs.sivcd with a slam). 
And folk in bed were luncheoning 
Exclusively on jam, 

"This doesn't seem to be quite clear," said Alice. 

"Of course it isn't," said the Poet Laureate. 
"This is just to create the proper atmosphere." 
And he went on : 

The Colonel and the Harvester 

Had found a shady spot. 

TIk'V sorted Issues by the piece. 

The dozen, and the lot. 

And most of them were highly spiced. 

And all were piping hot. 

"For seven years," the Colonel said, 

"I walked the quarter deck, 

T smote the Trusts, and in their gore 

I waded to the neek." 

"I know it," sohl)ed the Harvester, 

And signed another check. 

"I have'nt overdone the pathos, have I?" said the 
Poet Laureate. 

"Not at all," said .\lic«". 

"Oh Pledges, come and walk with us," 

The valiant Colonel cried. 

"Your ntmibers clearly show my stand 

Upon race suicide. 

Your countless face«; fill my breast 

With pardonable pride." 



22 Through the Outlooking Glass 

The elder Pledges shook their heads 
And whimpered as he spoke; 
The elder Pledges couldn't move 
Because their backs was broke. 
But all the younger fry obeyed 
And waited for the joke. 

"I will now skip several stanzas because they are 
quite intelligible/' said the Poet Laureate. 

"It seems to me that you can read them all the 
better then/' said Alice. 

"But if they are already intelligible, what use 
is there in reading them?" said the Poet Laureate, 
impatiently, and he went on: 

"The time has come," the Colonel said, 

"To speak of many things, 

Of Presidents of sealing wax, 

And hats inside of rings, 

And why I feel so boiling hot. 

And whether truth has wings." 

"A l)rand new deal. Oh Pledges dear. 

Is what we chiefly need, 

A double-acting memory 

Is very good indeed; 

And if you're ready. Harvester, 

"VVc can l>egin to feed." 

"But not on iis," tlic Pledges cried — 

"Please/' said Alice, "please won't you skip what 
happened next? I have never been able to think 
about it without crying. It's too cruel." 

"Very well/' said the Poet Laureate. "I am 
rather tender-liearted myself. I'll pass on to the 
last verse : 



Throuijh the OntlooUimj Glass 



23 



"Oh PU'dgcs (U;ir," the Colonel said, 
"Is not this hiilly f»in? ^^ . 

I thank you for the Harvt-stt-r 

Hut answer there eanie none. 

And this was seareely «>dd, U-cause 

He'd swallowed every one. 

ClIArTKU XI 

"When I went to seliooi;' said the Red Kiiiirlit, 
"I was i)artieiilarly good at Riddles, Revcrcnee 
and Uitlunctie." 

Tve studied arithmetie in school and played 
riddles after school," said Aliee, •'hut I dont know 
what you mean hy Reverence. 

"I'm surprised," said the Red Knight. "lUv- 
crence means doing honor to great men. 1* or in- 
stance, when I look at myself and am reminded of 
Ahraham Lincoln, George Washington, Napoleon, 
Mark Twain, Admiral Peary, and Joan of Arc, 
that means reverence. Hut perhaps youcl rather 
have me ask you riddles?" 

"I think I should," said Alice. 
"Very well. What's the difference between a 
Southern postmaster in 1908 and a Southern post- 
master in lf)L2?" 

•Tin sure I don't know." said .Vliee. "What m 

it.'" 

"I crive it up." said the Red knight. 

"What a i\\urr way of asking riddles!" said 

\lice. 

"Not at all," said the Red Knight. "What's the 
difference between taking a canal from Colombia 
and taking candy from a child?" 



2'1 Throuyh the Outlooking Glass 

"I never did undt-rstand politics," said Alice. 
"What is it?" 

"1 give it up, " baid the Ited Knight. 

"Oil, pshaw," said Aiiee. 'i'lrasc do be sensi- 
ble." 

"I am sensible," said the Ited Knigiit. "W hy is 
George W. Perkins like the voiee of the people?" 

"Well, why?" 

"1 give it up," said the Red Knight. 

"Ikit that's too absurd for anything," said Alice. 
"If you like to tease people, please find some one 
else to tease." 

She walked away to one side, quite angry, and 
began Ui play with the daisies in her new spring 
hat. 'i'iie Red Knight sat di)wn on the river's 
edge and broke out crying. He wept so bitterly 
that Alice felt sorry for him. She came baek to 
where he sat and said: "I'm awfully sorry. I 
didn't njean to hurt your feelings." But the Red 
Knight only went on weeping. 

"Please, do stoj) erying." said .Vliee. "Take out 
your handkerchief and wipe your eyes; come now." 

"I can't," said the Red Knight. "I had my 
handkerehii f in my hat, and my hat is in the ring," 
and he sobbed as if his heart would break. 

So Alice took out her own handkerchief and 
wiped his st reaming eyes, but still he would not 
stop. Tlicn, to quiet liim, she said: "Hut you said 
you were good at arithm«tic. 

"Oh. I am," said the Red Knight, and his face 
grew (juite radiant. "Have you ever figured out 
how niMiiv riov«*rnors liave come out for me?" 



Throufjh the Outlooking Glass 25 

"No, " said Alice. 

"Well," snid the Ucd Knight, "there's the Gov- 
ernor of New Ilnnipshire, nnd the Governor of 
West \*irjfini.'i. that makes two; and the (iovernor 
of Nrw I l.-inipshirr. that nmkcs 

"But you counted the Governor of New Hauip- 
shirr," .said Alice. 

"Only once. " said tht- iU d Kn !;:l»l. i'cople J»ay 
that th«* Cfovernor of New 11 lUipshire is of two 
minds about mc — that means twice, doesn't itf" 

"Docs it?" said Alice. 

"Of course it docs, ' said the Hed Knight. "Then 
thrrc is K - IS, which mak<s Hv<-. and Nrbraska, 
which I Irvcn, and California, which makes 

twcnty-ft»ur, and New Mexico, which mokes thirty- 
seven out of a total of fort ' ' Cnivernors. 

"I don't see how vou tiguri m iv 'tut at all." SAid 
Alice. 

"I do it by long addition," said the lied Knight. 

CHAPTER XII 

\ ' •' * ..-;..n;.... water on his i .. - .;*d 

f A hat for several nun- 

utrs, and still the Ked Knight lay there quite mo- 
!!r ' ' ' • wan ojid pale It made 
heart t just wViJi nK'' had dc- 

1 that tor must be 'he Red 

Knight oprnrtl his eyes and sighrtl. 
"Whrfr irr We.'" he «iaid. 
"Wr arr still in Nor»i T> I .. j Alice. 

"And our ft|*iM>ii( lit - 



26 Through the Outlooking Glass 



"They have gone somewhere else." 

"J knew it," said the Red Knight. "They have 
left the Held to me. 1 knew it would be like that. 
I always win. Did you see me charge.'" 

"J did/' said Alice. "It made me so sad to see 
you go over your horse's head so many times." 

"1 did that to disconcert them/' said the Red 
Knight. "As long as I stayed in the saddle they 
would keep on fighting. ]3ut as soon as I fell off 
they would naturally be at a loss as to what to do 
next." 

"But you frightened me horribly/' said Alice. 
"Every time you went over you landed on your 
head." 

"Oh, that was all right/' said the Red Knight. 
"My head has always been the strongest part of 
me. Besides, I always think very well on my 
head. It stinndates me. Some of the very best 
ideas I have had — like the recall of the judges, 
for instance — came to me in that position. The 
thing to do now is to follow up our victory.' 

"You must not bother about that now," said 
Alice. "You must really rest u}). Talking isn't 
very good for you." 

"It never hurts me to talk," said the Red Knight. 
"It is no strain* whatever. I can do it without 
thinking." 

A tired look canu^ into Alice's face. 

"You arc not discouraged, are you?" asked the 
Red Knight, a little wistfully. "You nuistn't be, 
you know. If I gave np the light who else would 
there be to carrv it on .'' 



Throuijh the Outlooking Glass 27 



"I'm sure I don't know, " said Alice. 

"There is no one else," said the Ked Kniglit. 

*I 11 prove it to you." He reached into his back 

pocket and pulled out a collapsible foot-uicasurc 

of the kind carpenters use in their business. He 

handed it to Alice and asked her to open it out. 

"This is a very funny rule," said Alice. "1 

thought all these 'pocket-measures ran up to six 

feet, but this one stops short at five feet ten 

inches." 

"Exactly," said the Red Knight. "Now would 
you mind taking my measure, just as I lif hrrer 
Alice wondered, but complied. 
"Why," she said, "it is just your height." 
"Of course it is," said the Utd Knight. "This, 
vou see, is the rule of the people. I always carry 
it about with me. It is a very good rule, because 
it works onlv one way." 



CHAPTER XIII 

At the sight of the dear old l.uly in a pannier 
gown, Alice could not help uttering a little cry 
of delight. 

"Do let me introduce vou," she said to the R<d 
Knight, and she ran forward, pulling his st.rd 
along bv the rein. "The R.-d Kniiiht. Mrs. Mala- 
prop." she said, and beamed upon b.)th of them. 

"\ot the Mrs. Malaprop," .said the Red Knight, 
holding out one hand and clinging to the saddle 
with the other. 



28 Through the Outlooking Glass 



"The same/' said the old lady; "may I facilitate 
you upon the results in Illinois and Pennsyl- 
vania?" 

"I thank you/' said the Red Knight. "I have 
often heard you spoken of as one of our leading 
simplified spellers. If I am not mistaken, your 
grandfather was Col. Lapsus Linguae of Faux 
Pas." 

"He was/' said the old lady. "And on my 
mother's side I am related to the Bulls of Ireland 
and the Hiatuses of Prattling Common. If an 
old woman's good wishes count for anything — " 

"Madam/' said the Red Knight, "after Califor- 
nia, I freely recognize the extraordinary mental 
and moral qualities of our women voters." 

"I have long wished to tell you/' said the old 
woman, "how I admire the victorious career of one 
whom I regard as the most Perkinacious of all our 
candidates." 

"Pert, not Perk/' hinted Alice, gently. 

"Perk or Pert, what difference does it make.^" 
said the old lady. "We live not by the letter of 
the law, but by its spirituous consultation. I have 
known many candidates who have fought hard for 
their own ends, but none whose motives are so 
absolutely Flinnathropic." 

"Philanthropic," suggested Alice, in a whisper. 

"Please don't interrogate so much," said the old 
lady, but still without losing her temper. "When 
I meet a public man who is so ready to capitalize 
his own interests to those of his countrv — " 



Through the Outlooking Glass 29 



-Sacri— " Alice started to say, but caught her- 
self in time. 

"Why, then/' went on the old lady, "he ought 
to have as many terms as he likes. If two are 
not enough he should have a third term, if only by 
Hannalogy. Now I hope I got that right," she 
said, turning defiantly to Alice. 

But Alice's feelings were hurt, and she said 
nothing. 

"And so," concluded the old lady, "I hope that 
you will succeed in keeping up your spontaneous 
consumption of public interest and that you won't 
let them take away your Southern renegades—" 

"Delega — " said Alice before she could stop 
herself. 

But the old ladv onlv glared at her and went 
on addressing the Red Knight: "And may all your 
enemies be like that English duke who was 
drowned in a barrel of Munsey." 

"Malmsev," shouted Alice, no longer able to 
control herself. But the Red Knight turned to 
her and chided her gently: "The question my 
dear Alice, is who shall make the rules of lan- 
guage, the plain people or the bosses who write 
the dictionaries." 

CHAPTER XIV 

"I ^^•ill never go to Chicago," said the Red 
Knight. 

Alice looked up from her book. "What train 
won't vou take.^" she asked. 



30 Through the Outlooking Glass 

"The 3:30/' said the Red Knight. 

"And which would you rather not have, a lower 
berth or an upper one?" said Alice. , 

"By all means a lower berth/' said the Red 
Knight. "It makes no difference to me, you 
know." 

And so the next morning they sat at breakfast 
in the dining-car. Alice divided her attention be- 
tween the grapefruit and the landscape, but the 
Red Knight was completely absorbed with his own 
thoughts. 

"It makes one dizzy to see the country flash 
by," said Alice, half to herself. 

The gentleman in a bathing suit who sat at the 
next table eating olives with a spoon turned 
around with a reassuring smile. 

"I shouldn't worry if I were you," he said. **It 
keeps up all the way to Chicago, you know." 

"What keeps up?" said Alice. 

"The country, of course/' said the gentleman. 

But at the word Chicago, the Red Knight looked 
up suddenly. "My dear Alice, do you happen to 
remember the name of the President who was 
nominated at Chicago in I860?" he said. 

"Let me see," said Alice, and she began to re- 
peat to herself, 

First Washington his country's pride, 
Then sturdy Adams true and tried, 
Then Jeiferson 

"We shall be in Chicago before you get to 
Daniel Webster," said the gentleman in thp bath- 



ThroiKjh the Outlooking Glass 31 



ing suit. "It was Lincoln, of course." 

"Lincoln is right," said the Red Knight. "And 
now / am going to Chicago." 

"That's a very good sign," said the gentleman 
in the bathing suit. 

"What isr said the Red Knight, blushing with 
delight. 

"That." said the other, pointing out of the win- 
dow. "Can vou read it? 'Use Walnut Oil and 
Save Your Hair.' It sounds very convincing. 

But the Red Knight was once more lost in 
thought, and the gentleman in the bathing suit 
turned to Alice. 

"I am an upholsterer by trade, you know, he 
said, "but in the summer I give lessons on the 
violin." , 

"What an odd combination!" said Alice. Do 

you play well?" 

"Oh I make more or less of a respectable liv- 
ing out of it," he said. "It's more respectable 
than upholstering, but it's less of a living. 

Here the Red Knight looked up again. ^'^Y^ 
are those famous words in Lincoln's Second In- 
augural, Alice? You know what I mean. ^^ ith— 
^Vi|.]i ' How does it go?" 

-7 know what vou mean," said the gentleman 
in the bathing suit as he rolled his menu-card 
into a tube and began shooting olive-pits through 
it. "You mean. "With Alice towards none, with 
hilarity for all — ' " 

"I think you are very stupid," said Alice, "and 



32 Through the Outlooking Glass 



I wish you wouldn't take liberties with other 
people's names." 

The man in the bathing suit immediately broke 
into tears. "I was only fooling/' he sobbed. "But 
you can't fool all of the peojDle all of the time. 
Can you now.^" he said, turning to the Red 
Knight. 

"You don't have to/' said the Red Knight, to 
himself. "A good many Progressives expect to 
be elected to the United States Senate." 



CHAPTER XV 

The train pulled into the station, and the Red 
Knight looked at his watch. "Forty minutes 
late," he said; "another infamous trick." He 
seized a telegraph blank, and wrote: "Congress- 
man McKinley, Taft Headquarters — Brigand! 
Assassin ! Polygamist ! Collect." He turned to 
Alice. "I feel much better now," he said. "Let 
us go." 

Opposite them in the car sat a young lady who 
was reading "Thus Spake Zarathustra/' and 
iihewing gum. So they knew they were in Chicago. 
They came to a hotel that was taller than any 
building Alice had ever seen. It was so tall that 
millionaires living on the top floor were in the 
habit of swearing off their taxes, on the plea of 
non-residence in the State of Illinois, They en- 
tered the elevator, and by and by they reached 
the floor on which their rooms were situated. As 
they opened the door, the first thing they saw was 
George the Harvester and Ormsby the Barrister 



Through the Outlooking Glass^ 33 



weeping in each other's arms, and wiping each 
other's eyes with bundles of rejected credentials. 
At the' sight of the Barrister the Red Knight 
showed no anger. He merely took off his helmet 
and threw it at the bellboy. Then he pressed 
his forehead against the window-pane, and the 
glass cracked. Then he turned to the Barrister. 
-You must have had a very pleasant trip down 
South," he said, quietly gnashing his teeth. 

"I did." said the Barrister, brightening up 
wonderfullv. 

"How did it all happen?" said the Red Knight. 

"Shall I tell the story by Congressional districts 
or by States?" said the Barrister. 

"By States," said the Red Knight. 

The Barrister cleared his throat and began: 

I took a barrel into Ga. 

("'Ga' bcinir Georgia, of course," he explained.) 
They jumped right up and yelled "Hurrah." 

I took a trunkfid into Fla. 

Ihev came to cheer from near and far, 

I spent two trunkfuls in Ala. 

They danced and sang: "You bet we are. 

I took a crateful into Ark. 

They said, "Your reasons hit the mark. 

"But this is all so very, very obscure," said 

Alice. 

"It was intended to be," said the Barrister, and 

went on : 

I sent to them and said "Endorse," 
They stood right up and said "Of course. 



34 Through the Outlooking Glass 



I wrote to them and said "Contest," 
They said "Cash up, we'll do the rest." 

I said to them "Remember now," 

They said, "Keep cool, we'll show you how." 

They voted once, they voted twice, 
They voted hard, to earn the price. 

"But who are 'they?'*' asked Alice. "Are 
there really such people.^" 

"Of course there are/' said the Barrister. "I 
invented them myself/' and he went on: 

They started for Chicago, 111., 
To ratify the people's will, 
But — 

"That's all there is/' said the Barrister, stop- 
ping abruptly. 

"Yes, that is all there is/' said the Red Knight, 
^'and a nice mess you made of it." 

"Mercy, Sire," cried the Barrister, falling on 
his knees. 

"Failure deserves no pity," said the Red Knight 
sternly. "If it were not for the chance that you 
may do better in 191 6, I would make short work 
of you at once. As it is, you will, as a penalty, 
between today and the first of next year, read and 
briefly summarize every one of my past Presiden- 
tial messages." 

"Including the paragraph about the tariff 
which Joe Cannon made you take out.^" sobbed 
the Barrister. 

"Evervthing!" said the Red Knight. "Come, 
Alice. The trumpet calls to battle. It's now or 
never — unless the circumstances change." 



Through the Outlookin g Glass 25 



CHAPTER XVI 

The two armies were now face to face, and the 
Red Knight gathered his staff about him for a 
few final words of exhortation. 

"Remember, men/' he said. "Victory is as- 
sured. On our side are all the honest men. 
Against us are all the thieves. We need only 
win forty of them over to our side and the battle 
is ours." 

Alice thought that was rather strange tactics, 
but she said nothing. She gazed with admiration 
at the Red Knight. He was resplendent in a new 
suit of armour fashioned out of lithographed 
photographs of Abraham Lincoln. From his hel- 
met fluttered a copy of the Declaration of the 
Rights of Man. In his right hand he held a 
copv of Magna Charta, and with the left he waved 
aloft one of the Harvester's fattest checkbooks. 
A mighty cheer broke from the multitude, but 
the Red Knight commanded silence. 

"As you go into battle," he went on, "ask your- 
self this: Can the practitioners of theft and burg- 
lary triumph over the forces of righteousness? 

''Never!" shouted the Publisher, like the hero 
in one of his own magazines. 

"Don't be an ass, Frank," said the Red Knight. 
"Of course thev always do, except when I am 
here to lead the forces of righteousness. That 
makes all the difference in the world." 

Alice thought she had never seen him in such a 
logical frame of mind. The men about him felt 
exactlv the same way. 



36 Through the. Outloohing Glass 



The Red Knight went on: "The principal thing 
when you take up arms is to know what you are 
fighting for. Do all of you know what you are 
after?" 

"We do !" they cried in chorus. Conviction 
was stamped on every face. 

"That is very good/' said the Red Knight. "So 
do I. Now we come to our plan of attack. It 
is very simple. I shall lead flanking parties 
against the enemy's right and left wing and head 
a furious charge against the centre. A small de- 
tachment of picked men under my personal com- 
mand will go out in advance and feel out the 
enemy. As for the rear guard and train that 
shall be my own concern. Between operations I 
shall write full account of the battle for several 
newspaper syndicates with which I have signed 
contracts. Is there anything I have overlooked.^" 

It was the Forester who spoke up. "There's 
the band music for the triumphal return from 
Chicago." 

The Red Knight smiled indulgently. "That is 
already composed and orchestrated. I may re- 
vise it a bit while I am dictating terms to the 
enemy. So that is all. You may go, gentlemen." 

"But how about me.^" said Alice, of whose 
presence the Red Knight had been quite oblivious. 
Her feelings were hurt, and she was on the point 
of crying. 

"Why, sure enough, there you are, Alice," said 
the Red Knight. "I think you had better go to 
the rear till it's all over. The fight may last till 



Through the Outlooking Glass 37 



ten o'clock, and that's no hour for one of your age 
to be out of bed." 

"I will never leave you!" cried Alice. "Under 
no circumstances. There's no one else like you 
in the whole world." 

The Red Knight smiled and stroked her hair. 
"Very well, then. I'll tell you what we'll do. 
You don't ride a horse, do you?" 

"I never learned/' she said. , 

"It doesn't matter," said the Red Knight.^ "No 
horse could keep up with me, anyhow. We'll get 
you a taxicab and you can keep right by my side. 

But Alice now had her qualms. "Is it very 
dangerous?" she asked. 

"Dangerous where I am?" laughed the Red 
Knight. "You'll be just as safe as in your own 
little bed. Nobody ever stands up against me, 
Alice. At the first sight of me they turn and run. 
That's what makes the present obstinate behavior 
of the enemy so peculiarly infamous." 

CHAPTER XVII 

They were once more on the Chicago Flyer, 
this time on the wav East, and Alice looking out 
of the window, saw that within a few minutes they 
would be in New York. The Red Knight lay 
back in his chair, almost as worn and pale as 
after that terrible battle in North Dakota, when 
he fell off so often on his head. 

"A drink of water, please, Alice," said the 
Red Knight. 



38 Through the Outloohing Glass 



They had mislaid their individual drinking- 
cupS;, so Alice brought him some water in his hel- 
met^ and after he had drunk, she bathed his fore- 
head with the rest. 

"Well, it was a hard fight/' said the Red 
Knight. "But we won." 

"Do you think so.^" said Alice, greatly sur- 
prised. 

"We must have won/' said the Red Knight. 
"We couldn't help it. Look at it yourself. My 
motives were of the very highest, my followers 
were the best men in the coiuitry, my strategy 
was absolutely faultless. There wasn't a mistake 
or an oversight. So, of course, I must have won." 

"But I am really afraid," said Alice, "that the 
others think they came out best." 

"That was part of my game," said the Red 
Knight. "Let them sink in the quicksands of 
their own delusions. Let them go on thinking 
they have nominated some one else. Let them go 
ahead and elect him. Let the fact be set down 
in the school histories. What does it all prove? 
Nothing." 

The train came to a stop and Alice and the Red 
Knight took a taxicab for the latter's place of 
business. The time had come to say good-by. 
They stood at the door of the Outlooking Glass 
office, iust as the edition was being made up. 
From the pressrooms to the editorial rooms all was 
animation. The chief editor was shooting copy 
up th^ tubes as fast as the office boys could write 
it. The I'ltest advertisements were coming in over 
the wirp The desk men were waiting for the edi- 



Through the Outlooking Glass 39 



torial writers to finish their comments on the 
week's news before setting down the facts. 

Alice turned to shake hands with the Red 
Knight. It had been an exciting time, and she 
was tired and very, anxious to be at home with 
mamma. But she had grown fond of her comrade 
in the Outlooking Glass. When she was back 
again at her stupid lessons, studying that 2 and 2 
makes 4, and that "yes" is affirmative and "no" 
is negative, and that black is black and white is 
white, oh, how she would miss the Red Knight. 

But she was very brave, and, stretching out her 
hand, she said, "Goodby." 

The Red Knight pressed her hand affection- 
ately. 

"I wish vou would write something in my little 
pocket album," said Alice, trying to keep back 
her tears. 

"Gladly," said the Red Knight, and taking the 
book he wrote: 

Never put off till to-morrow 
A thing you can get to-day. 

"Thank you," said Alice. "I don't suppose we 
shall ever meet again." 

"Well, there's 1916," said the Red Knight. 
"Shall we say four years from now on Lincoln's 
birthday?" 

"But there would be no use trying," said Alice. 

"You could help me a great deal, you know." 
said the Red Knight. "By that time women wi 
be voting evervwhere. On the one hand there will 



40 Through the Outloohing Glass 

be woman's new privileges to discuss, and on the 
other hand there will be her new responsibilities. 
My hat is still good for something." 

"No, no, no," said Alice. "I don't want you to 
go campaigning any more. The fact is, you are 
not as strong as you used to be." 

"Suppose it is a fact, what difference does it 
make?" said the Red Knight. 

But Alice would not listen. "Why must you 
always be fighting.^ Why not leave that for 
younger people, and let everybody remember you 
at your best?" 

"A man must do something exciting," said the 
Red Knight. 

"Of course he must," said Alice. "I hope, and 
I'm sure we all hope, you will go on contributing 
for 3^ears and years and years. Good-by." 

Her eyes were wet with tears as she sprang 
backwards through the Outlooking Glass. The 
Red Knight vanished. She was home again, home 
in the dear old room with the big reading lamp on 
the table, and mamma busy with the baby's 
things, and father asleep over a copy of the Al- 
drich Monetary Report. 

"Oh mamma," she cried. 

"What is it, Alice?" said her mother. 

"I have such a headache, mamma. I have been 
in politics." 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



013 982 477 5 



By the Same Author 



THE PATIENT 
OBSERVER 

Light Stldies ix Ev fry day Life 



Reprinted from The Evening Post 



THE charm Jnp: series of essays which 
have attracted many readers to the 
New York I'.vtninK Post, iwi.' here to be 
found in a houiid volunje. These witty 
and thonsrhlful hicubrationsmay hence- 
forth l)e counted as a "permanent pos- 
session." and be stored on a book-shelf 
instead of wanderinjr rounii as fugitive 
leavi's. Tliere is hardly an essayist of the 
present day in this ecuintry whose work 
seems iH-tt'-rdistTvinK of preservation. 
—The Litkraby Dicest 

WITH the coniins of "The Patient 
Observer" a new — an«l true- 
humorist enters the lU-hl of Anuriean 
literature. — Nkw Yokk Ti.mks 



DODD, MEAD-^CO 



$il.QO Vf'f 



